I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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