it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
