I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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