I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
