Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
