A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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