it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
