it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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