...so i touched it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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