I am spending my child support on dildos
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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