Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just fell off a train. Bad.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
