you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
