is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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