I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
