if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They have beer where we have blood.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
