That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
