please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
