hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
