yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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