so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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