Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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