How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
