Whod you bang
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
