Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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