ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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