Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
