That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Even my vagina gasped.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
