I didn't shave. On purpose
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
