After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
