Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
