i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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