i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
