He felt like a one man threesome
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
