arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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