she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you had me at cake vodka
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
