He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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