I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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