so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize