I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
