porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
