I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
