Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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