hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
