I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
