So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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