I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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