I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
