just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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