I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
