i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
