During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
