Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
