You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize