I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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