you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
