there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
