The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
