i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
