Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
