Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
