Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
