but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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