plz talk dirty to me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
