I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
