Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
